Columbus, OH –
I’ll be honest, I was worried.
Not about what most of us have been worried about this year.
Not about the election.
I knew it was going to take a while to get it settled.
And besides, elections haven’t mattered to me for quite some time.
It doesn’t matter who wins, I know I won’t be happy with them, or what they do while in office.
Personally, I would love it if both the major political parties would collapse under their own weight, and end up splitting into two or more smaller parties.
I think we’d be much better with 4-5 political parties, each with a realistic chance of winning.
Then we’d have a better chance of having a government that might actually care about what is best for the people they govern.
As is, they only care about maintaining the status quo.
Not that having more parties would end the corrupt nature of our government.
It would still be corrupt, just that they might be a little more creative in the corruption.
But that’s a subject for another day.
And I wasn’t worried about the aftermath of the election.
I knew it was going to be a shit-show.
What with the toddler-in-chief throwing the tantrum to end all tantrums.
We all saw this coming for some time.
What with his broadcasting, at every opportunity, how he wasn’t going to accept it if he lost.
Anyone who didn’t know how sore a loser he would be must have had their head buried deep in the sand.
With him saying left and right how he would only accept the results if he won.
And then having his team of “Keystone Kop” lawyers “contest” the count in several different states.
Between Rudy’s press-conference in the parking lot beside the porn shop to the one with the runny hair-die and splotchy make-up, it’s hard to believe that anybody that was able to get a license to practice law could be this incompetent.
At least every time they got into an actual courtroom, in front of a judge, they admitted that they didn’t have a case.
No evidence.
And don’t get me started on the “witnesses” who signed affidavits.
“The catering van pulled up to feed all the counters, and while I didn’t see what came out of the van, I know it wasn’t big enough to hold food for everyone…”
Really? That’s what you witnessed? The catering van wasn’t large enough to hold food to feed all the counters? Yup, sounds like fraud to me!
Nope, not what had me worried.
It was the pandemic.
Not that I was worried about getting sick.
I’m not the type to worry about things I can’t do anything about.
If I get sick, I get sick.
Not that I’m running all around with no mask, daring people to breathe in my face.
No, I’m going to do what I can do to keep from catching it, while still living my life.
I’ll wear a mask in public, and wash my hands at every opportunity.
After all, asking me to wear a mask is not an infringement on my liberty.
I don’t understand that line of reasoning at all.
The “I can’t breathe” argument.
If your lung capacity is so limited, maybe you shouldn’t be out in public, taking the risk.
Maybe next time you have surgery, you should ask your doctor to not wear a mask.
After all, you don’t want their oxygen level to drop while they’re messing around in your body with sharp objects.
No, I think the whole problem is that they are smelling their own breath for the first time, and are disgusted at how bad it is.
Whew, yeah, need to do something about that.
Nope, not worried about getting sick.
And not about all the idiots running around trying to deny it exists.
Claiming that it’s all a hoax.
In fact, maybe I should thank them.
After all, they are probably a big reason we’re such a global hot-spot.
See, I was worried that it’d all be over by now.
That we’d be like New Zealand, and no longer be asked to quarantine to limit the spread.
Because we’ve already eliminated the virus.
No, I shouldn’t have been worried about that possibility.
After all, we’re exceptional in our refusal to learn anything from any other country.
In the software industry, we call it the “not invented here” syndrome.
So I should have known that I had nothing to worry about.
The pandemic would still be raging out of control through the end of the year.
So why would that worry me? Don’t I want it to be over?
Yes, I do. I want it to be over. I want to be able to travel again.
I’ve already scrapped one trip overseas, and haven’t thought about planning any others.
Not how I want to be living my life.
No, my concerns were all about relevance.
See, it was the pandemic that gave me the inspiration for this year’s Twisted Christmas song.
And thanks to being stuck at home, I had it ready very early.
Months ahead of schedule.
And my fear was that it might not be relevant by the time December came around.
Stupid me.
I should have known better.
It was early in the initial stay at home phase, the first line of the song came to me.
The tune a Christmas song I had to sing as a young kid in a school Christmas program.
Not sure how many younger people are still familiar with it.
It’s not one that you’ll hear on the radio very often.
The lyrics being such that they’re “cute” when sung by young kids.
But sounding like they’re straight out of the 1950’s.
So if elementary school kids are still being taught this song, then maybe a lot of people will still be familiar with it.
If not, take my word for it, it’s a Christmas song.
Even if it’s one just we old-fogies recognize.
Although a quick Google search shows an amazing number of modern artists covering it.
Maybe it’s more widely known than I realize.
Hmph…
Anyway, this year’s Twisted Christmas song is…
For the full archive of Twisted Xmas songs, click here.
Leave a Reply